A Rational Mind

 

Yesterday a friend of mine very rightly pointed out “ whats with your philosophical mood these days??”  “ sab theek hai na?”

so posting something practical this time….

I wrote this when I was in Pune for the summer internship..I saw a few things and wrote this. At that time I doubted my skills at understanding people…Maybe it wasn’t the way I saw…But after a few incidents again, I feel I am correct in judging a few people…

Do let me know what you feel about it.

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My friend and I am standing on a PMT (Pune Municipal Transport) bus stop. A bus speeds past us without stopping. Another is too crowded to get into. We are going to be late for office again. ”I really need a boyfriend” my friend quips in. “one with a bike?” I ask and she grins.

Really. In a city like Pune, you either need your own vehicle, or you need a boyfriend who has one. Because public transport is a mess and rickshaw drivers take you for a ride.

I am in Pune for the past 2 months and with IT professionals everywhere, am getting a hang of this world. I am surrounded by youngsters of my age …and this kind of attitude is common.

Ask a girl what is it that she looks for in a guy, and the reply is prompt, a house and a bike, rather an arrangement.

One guy I know travels half the city to pick up his girlfriend from her hostel. Then they go to office which is again on the other side of the city. In the evening he must repeat the same.

Office timings are 10-6. But since most of the people stay in a hostel, there’s nothing to go home to. So they end up spending 14-16 hours together, and when you do that, you tend to get comfortable around each other.

Then night outs and pyjama parties are a must. And with hormones working overtime – ”things happen”.

Friends suddenly become boyfriends and girlfriends get converted to “a good friend”.

One friend told me ”don’t be surprised if I get married to someone else.” Oh no dear, I really wouldn’t be..

In all of this madness, some people actually fall in love. They are committed to work things out, even if one of them gets posted to some other location.

Call it my short sightedness or complete negligence at the positive things in life, I couldn’t find many whom I could put into this category..But then again, I hope they prove me wrong.

A few days later

I am standing alone on the PMT bus stop today. A bus speeds past me without stopping. Just behind the bus on a bike I see my friend. I smile. A little embarrassed, she smiles back. I hope she has found her love and not an arrangement.

 

(Dejected and a total non believer that students just out of college must be sent to far away places….for the “so called” training….)

Abha Deshkar

1^st june 2010

 

We are all extremely intelligent individuals.

We crack CAT’s, GRE’s and GMAT’s , excel in ENGINEERING and MBA exams, give presentations that would put a shame on a manager’s face, analyse balancesheets and give our suggestions to the CEO’s…

      The only thing we cannot do successfully is deal with LIFE.

The same guy who scores a 99.99 percentile in CAT feels insecure in front of his friends. The same girl who presents confidently in front of a CEO, fails to express in front of her own father.

Aren’t we dealing with life the way a student, who is afraid of maths deals with the subject? Because it is difficult, we leave it for the last day, hoping somehow it will be taken care of.

”Waqt aane par dekh lenge” 

And just like a maths paper, we fail. Not because it was tough but because we didn’t spend enough time on it.

The way I see it, the moment we take a relationship for granted…we are in trouble..Remember, the same prof. who seems to be the most easy going, exam mein wohi sabse jyaada  waat lagata hai!

And this makes me wonder..how come nobody taught me how to deal with life……Neither parents, nor schools or colleges…no coaching classes.

WHY????

# We spend so much time on trying to understand ‘consumer behavior’ why no classes on  ‘parent behavior’ ??

# We learn so much of ‘organization development’ but why do we stress so little on ‘self development’ ??

# I learnt  ‘International Business’- and how  to sell a refrigerator in Antarctica – but nobody taught me on how to convince a friend to quit smoking.

# To do business in a particular country we go to the extent of learning and imbibing their culture and language and yet when we are asked to adjust (and i am not even saying the C word- compromise ) with our in-laws, we are not ready.

# We all talk of TQC (Total Quality Control) , what about the Quality of our life????

 

waiting for answers….

 

Abha Deshkar

29/10/2010.

On a particularly off- day, after having slept for only 3 hrs in the night, I had made to the andheri station just in time to miss the 7:30 am train….obviously I missed the train…I had to reach college early na..

My head was already spinning and the foul mood did no good to me. After having cursed myself, the tenth time since morning..for not understanding the priorities in my life..I decided to let myself be.

Thankfully (for the western railway) ..the 7:42 train was on time..and i got into it…The first class was unusually empty but then who other than my college works on a sunday morning….

Seeing a girl in the compartment I got in…I took the window seat and sat with my notes open…..Not that I was going to read anything from there…but still…

In some time I heard a muffled sob…Instinctively I turned to this girl…Yea she was crying..Not only quiet sobs but actually crying…

A closer look at her revealed she must be around mid 20’s..Maybe a year or two elder to me… Clad in a blue jeans and white kurti…her brown hair was dyed with streaks of copper color..She wore nice shoes which on any other day would have got compliments from me..but today I was in no mood.

But God! why the hell was she crying????

I was more concerned with the fact that I was alone in this fast local which would now stop only at Borivali…and I certainly didnt need this today….

 

I stole glances at her and she caught me looking at her..She didnt care and even if she did..she was not going to show it…

I wondered what could be the problem… the people who usually make me cry flashed through my mind…Almost at the threshold myself, I wanted to tell her I understand.. that its going to be OK…that you can manage..its no big deal…

All that I intended to tell her… I needed to tell that to myself too….As this realization dawned on to me..I smiled…sometimes it is just comforting to know that you are not the only one having problems…there are others who have bigger and grave problems than you do…It would be wrong on my part to say this but I felt better…I thought of my problems….weren’t they too silly ??? And caused by yours truly…. self inflicted..yes that is the word!!

With a better mood now.. I thought I might as well keep the notes inside …

I drank water.. and once again turned my attention to the girl..whom I had forgotten by now!

“Do you want water?” I asked her.

“Thanks” she said and drank some water..

The water did its work in calming her down…

“Next station is Borivali?” she asked

“Yea”

With this she opened her bag…removed a hanky and wiped her face…next she removed a hair brush and combed her hair…then she took out a hand mirror..and applied some eye liner…then she put on some gloss..

She looked different… a lot better actually…well even beautiful….I guess that’s what make-up does to you…or may be that what we girls are made up of…One moment we are inconsolable and the next….we hold out head up high…

As she turned to leave she looked at me..”Life is such a Bitch na??

“You bet!” 

And then slowly and with great purpose…she smiled back …

2 strangers knowing nothing about each other … yet understanding each other and agreeing on this bitchy thing called LIFE….

 

Abha Deshkar

24/10/2010

 

# When your mom explains “ रोळी म्हणजे  hole  वाली परात” !! God bless you if you dont know what a परात is……

# When after a long head bath of 2 hours your grandmother exclaims…”आता ठीक आहे…सासू बघू कसा खपवून घेते हे”

# when “चार चौघान समोर” somebody asks you “चिरोटे आवडतात का ग??” and you say “wots dat??” and when you actually see what it is…you say ”ओ हे!!! याला चिरोटे म्हणतात का????” …be assured you are gonna be rubbed on this for the rest of your life!

# दीड??? अडीच????  oh crap!! साडे दोन! 

# When it takes some crazy marathi actor and his shady dialog “धुत्या हात म्हणजे डावा हात” for you to remember that डावा  means left…

# When a Bihari bhaiyya and the “thekedar of marathi-asmita“ fight you give a damn…

# When you wonder… “आत्या च्या नवर्‍याला मामा का म्हणतात???”

# When you watch  the baila hero of “amar prem” at 9pm on TV with your family but your heart is dying to catch the latest episode of- Gossip girl…xoxo

# When once in a blue moon you enter your kitchen to make something and leave it so dirty that next time your granny offers to make things for you…

# When someone gives you a phone no. in marathi…and you write down….    “ २८ ३७  सदोसाष्टा शहेइन्शि"

# When you still write such things and put up on the blog…when you know your mother is going to say…”this is nothing to be proud of abha!” 

 

Abha Deshkar

25/10/2010.

We are at the airport. I have come to leave my parents, who are going back, after a month long holiday in India..

The problem with we humans is that we get used to the good things in life very fast…and then its difficult to let them go…and when we have to..we all deal with it in our own way…

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“the plane is at 3:45” …my mother…

“hmm”

“so we will reach at 5:15…”

“hmm”

“By the time we reach home it will be 6..”

“hmmm”

“Ill call you once we reach home”

“ok..”

“Eat fruits…and drink milk…and eat on time…dont eat junk food and sleep well”

“ho aai..”

“Buy the castor oil I told you to..and dont cut your hair… Kes kaaplyane wadhat nahi abha”

“ho aai..”

“Ho ho mhanu nakos fakta…kar kahi tarii”

“ho aai”

“kalji ghe swatachi…take charge of your life”

“hmmm”

this is the way she deals with it..by WORRYING…by expressing her concern…by scolding…..

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“do you have sufficient money in the account?”..my dad…

“no…”

“Ill transfer the money in 2 days…ok?”

“Yea..”

“your scooter needs servicing…give it as soon as possible”

“hmm”

“any worry on any other front ?”

“no…”

“good”

and we shake hands….this is the way he deals with it….by SHAKING HANDS…

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the only thing I’ve said till now is yes and no…and you may feel what an ungrateful brat!!

But the truth is..its not that I’m indifferent..its just that I’m too overwhelmed to say anything else…because that’s the way I am and that’s the way I deal with it…

By showing that I’m INDIFFERENT..

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Both me and my mom know that I’m not going to drink milk…eat fruits or sleep on time…still its her responsibility to tell and mine to say yes.

Both me and my father know that the scooter will not go for servicing till it stops…still its his responsibility to tell and mine to nod.

Because we just cannot express how much we are going to miss each other and when we cannot deal with our emotions we become procedural…we tend to ask the same things again and again, reconfirm the dates and schedules…worry about things, ask questions the answer to which you already know…say those nothings which mean so much….and yet they actually are….nothings….

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Sometimes a hug is all that you need…sometimes a hug is all that you should give…

But do we hug??…NOOOOOOOOO

A hug has the power to say those unsaid words…..to say that we care and to say that we love…

But do we hug??…NOOOOOOOOO

A hug is an expression…to which there is no equal..A hug is pure… a hug is sure…

But do we hug??…NOOOOOOOOO

Sometimes a hug is all that you need…sometimes a hug is all that you can give…

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In the end its time to go….and my mother plants a kiss which I don’t return…I pretend I’m busy on the phone…I shake hands with my father…and put up a brave face and a fake smile….

its time to say goodbye…and I haven’t yet said..”I LOVE YOU”…….

and the worst part is…I may never say it too…….

 

Abha Deshkar

19/10/2010.

 

I was travelling in the train the other day with my friend. At borivali station,a lady and her daughter boarded the train…and sat right across us.

Now let me tell you that I’m one of those people who just cant go off to sleep in the train…so i do the next best thing that is there to do—observe people… and if you are travelling in ladies coach…you really do not have to worry about time pass…woh toh ho hi jaata hai…

So back to the train…

Right from the start you could feel the tension…as if “abhi bomb fatne wala hai..” The girl, who must be somewhere in her teens, kept herself busy with the cell phone. Mother dear clearly looked miffed….Once or twice the girl looked at her mom and turned away…its like you just know when your mother is going to give you a piece of her mind!

MOTHER :“Why arent you attending classes regularly??”

GIRL : I dont understand what he teaches. Its a waste of time.

MOTHER : Then how do you think you are going to pass??

GIRL: I’m going to study on my own…

MOTHER : If you were that kind of a girl you would have done it long ago… See sneha..”this is the most important year of your life”

WHOAAA!!!

At this moment, unable to control myself i let out a chuckle…and i just could not control laughing…..My friend deserted me with a “I’m-not-with-her” kind of a look. The girl was clearly embarrassed and the mother fuming…After giving me a “Mind-your-own- business-look”  the mother stopped..

 

“this is the most important year of your life”   oh really?

How many times have you heard this from different people????

In 10th they first told this to me…. ….and I believed..

In 12th they told me ”Study only for this one year and your life is set” ………… I thought maybe..

In 1st yr of engineering they said ”this is the most important year..you do well in this..you can rest for next 3 yrs..” …………………I really had no option but to listen….

In 2nd and 3rd yr of engineering they said” Only Ist class is not enough..if you want placement, study only for these 2 yrs..placement ke baad aaram hi aaram…” …………I gave it a try

In the final yr they said ” only graduation is not enough…study for post graduation…..”

In the first year of post graduation “First years are always difficult”……i smiled…I had had enough..but in the end my anxiety got over me and as usual I studied…

Now that I’m in the last year (and hopefully the last year of my studies ever!!) i find people telling me…”ab kya…last year hi hai…padh le…”  

 

And all that I can think of is..

Bachpan toh gaya…jawani bhi gayi…

Ek pal toh ab hamein…jeene do jeene do..

And ya..placement is round the corner again…must start studying..after all its time for my first job now!!

 

Oppressed…Suppressed and Depressed…

Abha Deshkar

12/10/2010

dedicated to all the “to-be-daughter-in-laws” 

इथे आजी ला म्हणतात आई
आणि मौशी च्या नवर्‍याला बाबा

इतकी सगळी नाती समजायला
मला बराच वेळ लागला….

गेले होते स्वताला एक पाहुणी मे मानून
परत आले कुणाची वाहिनी तर कुणाची नातसून बनून.

हे काय झाला, मला काहीच कळेना
इतक्या लवकर खरच कुणाचा, लागतो का लळा ???

खर सांगते प्रेमात पडताना
                     इतका विचार कधीच केला न्हव्ता
बाय्फ्रेंड पासून नवरा म्हणायला
                      तसा इतका वेळही गेला न्हव्ता…

तरी आज सग्यांसमोर होते उभे घाबरून
घेऊन होते ह्या घरची "होणारी सून" स्वताला म्हणून .

लहानश्या ननंदेने जेव्हा काढल्या हातावर रेखा,
विचार आला….यालाच म्हणतात की काय ते "तक्दीरका लिखा" ?

सकाळ पासून आलेले मी आता वाजले होते सात,
एक एक करून जुळत गेल, नवीन नवीन नात.

घरातून पाय निघेणाशे झाले, आणि एक गोष्ट लक्षात आली…
तुझ्याच बरोबर मला अजुन एक फॅमिली ही मिळाली………..

आभा देशकर
३/१०/२०१०

About his recently published debut novel – Just Another Love Story

 

A Rational Mind (ARM): Anand, Tell us something about yourself. What is your academic background, your education?

Anand Pethe (AP): I am a Chemical technologist from UDCT. Later, I went on to do my Masters in the technology of intermediates and dyes (colorants) to understand what exactly research is all about and I enjoyed it thoroughly!

ARM:  Anand, You being from a pure Technological background, how did you hit up on the idea of writing a novel?

AP: I have been writing since the time I was in school. In fact, I was in the entertainment right from my school but never took it very seriously until a few years back. Although I am from a Technological background I enjoy Science & Arts both. Probably, I enjoy Arts more than Science.Moreover, writing is my passion and I enjoy writing very much. I am just converting my passion into my work. That’s all! If you consider the most successful people on the planet you will see one thing common in them they are extra ordinarily passionate about whatever they do.Here in no way am I comparing myself to them or saying that I am successful. I only mean, if you enjoy what you do & do it passionately, you will excel in that. That is the mantra!

ARM: Anand, your novel is a love story. Tell us, have you drawn inspiration for your novel from incidents in your life?

AP: Although I have drawn inspiration for some events in the book from certain past incidences in my life, I would maintain that it is a work of fiction and not a true story. I have acknowledged the individual who was an inspiration for this love story and thanked her in my book. You may say the protagonist is named Anand after me.But the fact is I wanted to name the protagonist Anand.

ARM:  So can you tell us what this novel is all about? Just a hint,perhaps. And why the name – ‘Just Another Love Story’?

AP: Well,the name tells the fact that it as a simple love story like that of any other couple. It does not involve a huge emotional drama. It is a light story but has a very serious subject. The central idea subtly represents the cultural values that the Indian youth cherish. I have tried to balance the blend of modern thought and traditional beliefs carefully. The novel is meant for the Indian reader and it will appeal to him because for a Westerner the concept of virginity is as good as non-existent.But an Indian reader will immediately relate to the situation when Anand is going through the mental dilemma. It is not only that but also how the present day generation is misusing the freedom & adapting to the western culture. It is about how the protagonist gets confused between the eastern and western cultures. At this point, I will not reveal more than that.

ARM: Anand, this novel is co-authored by you and Deepti Ingle. Tell us how did Deepti get involved in the writing of this novel?

AP: Deepti and I are batch mates of UDCT. She now works in Thermax, Pune. Well,I had written the original draft way before we both came to know that we are interested in writing. During my M. Tech reunion we came to know that we share a common passion – writing. I showed her my draft and asked her to edit my work and that is how the tedious journey of making & editing 7 drafts in all began before we finally published the novel. So I would say the idea and concept behind the novel was mine but she is the contributor towards re-writing and editing of the novel.

ARM:We’ve heard that you are a hardcore movie buff. You’ve also done a few courses related to acting & script writing. Tell us something about that too!

AP: If you have read the novel, by now you would have realized that I am a visual story teller.I have got this compliment from almost every reader who has read he novel. I am very passionate about films and drama. I have done basic & advanced theater acting course under the guidance of noted Marathi play director, Prof. Waman Kendre who has directed famous plays like Jhulva & Ranangan. I have acted in Ekankikas (One act plays) as well. But my real passion is film-making. I am currently pursuing an extensive course in screen writing and direction as well as writing my 2nd novel.

ARM: Second Novel? So are you in the process of penning your second book? What is the plot all about & when can we expect the book?

AP: Yes, I am currently working on two subjects. I am yet to finalize the subject for my 2nd novel because I like both the subjects equally. The first plot is all about an Ego clash between personalities while the second plot is the journey of a passionate rebellion. Completion of the book will take some time, so you can expect the book to be out by next year or so.

ARM: Anand, on a parting note, what suggestions would you like to give budding authors?

AP: Never Give up. It is a long & hard process and success will not come to you very fast. But remember what is said in The Shawshank Redemption – Hope is probably the best of things and good things never die. So keep the hope alive and you will finally have the joy of getting your book published. That’s pretty much about it.

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This work by Pranjal A. Wagh is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 2.5 India License