Dont know Dont care

by Abha Deshkar

Dedicated to Rutuja, Navneet, Neha, Anupam, Sujan,  Priyam, Aditi, Sanket, Saurabh, Sayuri, Radhika and those times.


“Tell me if you want to else just forget it”


“ok fine!”

And thats how it ended.

I should have known better.

“Forget it. She will tell us if she wants too.”  Another friend suggests.

Nothing new. I’m used to this. I’ve always learned it the hard way. Friends crying and then claiming to be OK.

“Tell me what happened?”

“Dont ask” I’m told. “If she needs help she’ll ask for it…”


Mumbai has taught me many things.One of them is the “DONT KNOW DONT CARE” attitude.

· You see a man lying dead on the platform.You look the other way and walk away. “Sorry..but I have a train to catch.”

· You know through somebody that your friend is going through a tough time. “Has she asked you to help?”     “No. But….”    “Then just stay put..”

· There something going at the neighbours. “Just shut the damn door”

You know what, I don’t even blame you guys. Its been ingrained into for too long now to change.


Sorry but the place I was brought up was quite different. If my friend had a problem I knew she would share it with me …and although mostly I wouldn’t be able to solve it, she knew I would do everything I could to pull her out of it. Ditto applied for me. And so I considered it my right to ask my friend if something is wrong.  It was more like a “I-WANNA-KNOW-COZ-I-CARE”  attitude and not  “I- WANNA- KNOW-COZ-IM-GONNA-GOSSIP”  attitude,which is perceived over here. There was a lot less formality and just pure friendship. I didn’t need to ask for help, it just came. Not that it didn’t cause enough problems, but it was always done with good intention. And that is what really counts, doesn’t it?


But the scene in Mumbai, I’ve discovered over the years is quite different. And so I guess friends turn into mere acquaintances so soon..But I’m getting used to it, coz when in Rome, do as the Romans do…..

Nowadays I just “DONT KNOW DONT CARE”



Abha Deshkar



Anahita Gandhy February 20, 2011 - 3:20 AM

This should also be dedicated to many others we know 😐

Abha Deshkar February 20, 2011 - 3:32 AM

Well Anahita, these are all my friends from Aurangabad with whom I could share anything and everything 🙂
no hard feelings for anybody else though!!

Navneet February 20, 2011 - 3:36 AM

So true Abha…its strange how new places and people do that to us….but when it comes to friends we will never change!! love u’ll!!

Anupam February 20, 2011 - 3:37 AM

Dear Abha
I have known you for too long now and been in mumbai for not less than 21 days but i must admit that you are correct in all means.. I have alrdy faced this Dont Knw Dont Care attitude from friends and i mean friend and not just acquaintances and i sure mean it..

I knw living in mumbai would be harder than living in Delhi or Noida but i dnt knw that it would attack me so soon. but lets face the reality it has , i dnt knw wdr its good or bad but sure well its trying to change me and my rational mind is knws this.

I dnt knw wt all is left for the mayanagri to teach me , i am alrdy used to the Locals and travlng but thats not enuf.

All i can hope is wtevr happens , happens for good.

dipti February 20, 2011 - 8:56 AM

may be u met the wrong people… dont generalise on a few experiences..

abha deshkar February 20, 2011 - 10:33 AM

@ Anupam : U’ll get used to it. Everything is not bad though. Somethings that u’ll learn in this city, will stand by u throughout ur life. I leave u too experience them on ur own! 😉

@ Dipti : Its not about some people, its about the mindset here. “met wrong people”…all of them??? i really hope not! 🙁

Pranjal Wagh February 20, 2011 - 2:43 PM

You cannot say this about Mumbaikars.
Are you talking about your friends here? I know all of them are not DKDC!
Are you talking about Mumbaikars? I can assure you they are not DKDC!
Many people here have the I WANNA KNO COZ I CARE attitude. Its there in every city. Even Aurangabad. There are people with I WANNA KNO COZ I WANNA GOSSIP attitude too in each city. Maybe the proportions vary.
Mumbai has lots of people who care and lots of stories to tell of such people.
Dont you dare dismiss this as a city of DKDC people.

abha deshkar February 21, 2011 - 12:06 AM

@ Pranjal… U have been in Mumbai all your life. So you will not understand how it feels for a person who has just moved in this city. I am not saying that ALL people are like this. Again I repeat, its a mindset. Also the fact that people in bigger cities have much less time to spare, may have something to do with this!

I will never take the liberty of dismissing this city as a city of DKDC people. Some of my best friendships and relations, are connected with this city! 🙂

Pranjal Wagh February 21, 2011 - 11:06 AM

Exactly my point, some of your best friends and relations are in this city . But in your post, it seems like you are dismissing us as DKDC!

Correction: I have been in various other cities,town & villages too for some part of my life though not a long duration. I will soon experience the small city/town/village life for a longer period.But, I do not think that will change my perception about this city & its indomitable spirit.

Harshit February 28, 2011 - 5:14 AM

@abha– i could really connect to d post.
nd i see no excuse convincing enuf for such an attitude( xcuses like busy city busy life, hav more important things to worry). if ur frnds dun hav tym for u how d hell dis selfish world will hav it for u.
amazing post is all i can say.. keep writing.

@wagh– dude its our personal viewpoint and u shud respect it as an adult. its just dat u hav ur parents, ur childhood frnds and many more arnd u. but for us we just hav u guys nd wen people so close act DKDC it really hurts.. (at no point i meant u)..
ur an amazing frnd and be d same.. 🙂

Pranjal Wagh February 28, 2011 - 8:45 AM

I will answer this after some months

abha deshkar February 28, 2011 - 12:36 PM

@ Harshit : Thanks..U have brought forward a very good point..that these ppl, have family, siblings to go back to…when we go home…its an empty room with nobody waiting for you..nobody to ask you how ur day was..nobody to make that much needed cup of tea…
also childhood friends are a great support system..when these DKDC friends fall short…

@Pranjal : you will never get just leave it.

Pranjal Wagh February 28, 2011 - 6:00 PM

Read my reply written just above your comment. And I have experienced what you just said in your comment.

I never disrespected anyone’s viewpoint. As I have my viewpoint you also have yours. I have just tried to express my opinion about her opinion about some people in Mumbai.


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